Menopause and divorce: a family lawyer’s view
Menopause and divorce can coincide during a period of significant change in someone's life. Shifting hormone levels may affect sleep, physical health, mood or intimacy, while separation raises questions about a marriage, children, finances and the future. When these experiences come together, understanding what is happening - and what support is needed - becomes particularly important.
For family lawyers, divorce during menopause needs to be handled with care and sensitivity. The same law applies, but the circumstances in which a client makes decisions may be different. A solicitor needs to recognise any practical difficulties without assuming that menopause explains a relationship breakdown or changes what a client wants.
At JMW, family law partner Elspeth Kinder has discussed the situations she encounters when menopause and divorce overlap. Here, we examine the wider issues alongside her first-hand observations.
How often do menopause and perimenopause come up in divorce cases?
There is a clear overlap between the ages when women commonly experience menopause and the years when some marriages end. According to the NHS, menopause usually affects women aged 45 to 55, although perimenopause can begin earlier and experiences vary widely.
Historical Office for National Statistics divorce figures found that divorces were most numerous among people aged 45 to 49 in 2017. That helps explain why family lawyers encounter clients in the menopausal years, although the ONS stopped collecting age-at-divorce information from 2020, so it is not necessarily a measure of today's divorce rates.
No reliable official figure establishes how many marriages end because of menopause. A divorce may coincide with perimenopause, but the reasons for separation can include long-standing disagreements, changing relationship dynamics, parenting pressures or a reassessment of what both partners want from later life.
For many women, midlife can also mean balancing a career, children becoming more independent and responsibilities towards ageing parents. The departure of children from the family home - sometimes described as empty nest syndrome - may alter a couple's day-to-day relationship.
None of these factors should be treated as a diagnosis or a presumed cause of divorce; however, it does mean that as family lawyers, we will always endeavour to treat people going through midlife divorce in a compassionate way that reflects the specific circumstances and challenges they face.
Video: Elspeth Kinder on menopause in divorce cases
Full video transcript - Elspeth Kinder
Statistically, the highest rate of divorce in England and Wales is among people in their 40s.
So, it's very often the case that we will be acting for clients, or against parties, who are in some way going through menopause, and that may well really affect them at that particular moment in time.
But I think we've always got to be very careful that every client's circumstances are unique, and making blanket assumptions about what somebody's going through simply because they may be experiencing menopausal symptoms, or they may suspect that their partner's menopause has had some impact on their relationship, can lead to wrong assumptions being made in a case.
And that can be very dangerous for a lawyer.
We have to work on facts, not assumptions, and really listen to a client, really try and understand what they're going through.
And there's often a much broader picture there than menopause. Yes, somebody may be experiencing menopausal symptoms, but they may be very traumatised about the breakdown of their marriage.
They may be struggling to make arrangements for their children. They're probably in that sandwich generation of taking care of older parents as well.
So, they've probably got an awful lot more going on than menopause itself.
What issues commonly arise when menopause and divorce overlap?
The combination of relationship difficulties and menopausal symptoms can affect how someone feels at home, at work and during the legal process. The NHS lists hot flushes, night sweats, interrupted sleep, mood swings, anxiety, low mood and problems with memory or concentration among possible symptoms of perimenopause and menopause.
These experiences can influence everyday relationship dynamics. A partner may not understand why things have changed, while the person experiencing symptoms may feel unable to explain everything they are dealing with. Open conversation and appropriate medical support can help, but the impact on a particular marriage will depend on far more than menopause alone.
Video: How symptoms and divorce pressures can overlap
Full video transcript - Elspeth Kinder
For some clients, where they are experiencing menopause at the same time as a divorce, they're probably finding that the symptoms are exacerbated.
Divorce itself can be a very stressful time. Everybody appreciates that. Menopause itself can add to that stress.
Inability to sleep, perhaps an aching body, raging hormones that are causing an unusual or adverse reaction in some way to information that's being shared by their lawyer or their divorcing spouse.
So there can be lots of competing factors and influences at play when divorce and menopause come together.
Can menopause contribute to the breakdown of a marriage?
Menopause may add pressure to an existing relationship, especially if symptoms affect communication, mental health or intimacy. However, describing a divorce as a "menopausal divorce" can oversimplify decisions and experiences built up over many years. Relationship breakdown is rarely explained by one health issue or one stage of life.
For some couples, the menopausal years coincide with other major life changes: children leaving home, an evolving career, new caring responsibilities or different expectations for retirement. Problems that existed before may become harder to ignore, while other couples manage the transition together and remain happy in their relationship.
This distinction matters in family law. A solicitor's role is to understand the marriage and its breakdown from the client's perspective, rather than diagnose its cause or assume that changing hormone levels have dictated a person's decisions.
What misconceptions do people have about menopause and divorce?
Misunderstanding menopause can make an already difficult separation more contentious. Three assumptions are particularly important to recognise:
- Assumptions made by the person experiencing menopause: Someone who is exhausted, anxious or experiencing mood swings may worry that their partner, lawyer or family sees them as unable to cope, even when that is not how others view them.
- Assumptions made by a spouse or former partner: A partner may attribute the decision to separate entirely to menopause. That can prevent them from hearing what the other person is saying about the marriage.
- Assumptions made by legal professionals: A lawyer might underestimate the impact of symptoms or, conversely, attribute too much significance to them and overlook a client's individual priorities.
It is possible to recognise that menopause affects someone's health and wellbeing without dismissing their view of the relationship. Similarly, listening to a spouse's concerns does not mean accepting their explanation for why the marriage has ended.
Video: Assumptions made by clients, spouses and lawyers
Full video transcript - Elspeth Kinder
There are common misconceptions that we often see in cases where somebody is experiencing menopause, either personally or as the divorcing spouse of somebody who is.
Typically, there will be assumptions made. Assumptions, perhaps, on the part of the person who's going through menopause that everybody thinks something in particular about them because of their lived experience. Maybe they're feeling very stressed, so they presume that everybody is seeing them that way, and that might not actually be the case.
For the divorcing spouse, they may have an assumption, a misconception perhaps, that everything that's happened in terms of the breakdown of the marriage is because of the menopause.
And for the lawyers, they can sometimes make the wrong assumptions about the impact of menopause.
It's really important that a lawyer is signposting a client to seek support if they need it, whether they are going through the menopause themselves or whether they are divorcing somebody who is.
So, accessing support from a therapist where that's appropriate, or perhaps doing something that feels different and proactive in terms of coaching support, can really help them grapple with the issues that are affecting their lives, their children perhaps, and think about how best to tackle those issues with full support throughout the process.
Family lawyers don't work in a vacuum. We typically work with a good team of supportive people around the individual to make sure that their experience is the best that is possible through a divorce process.
And that might sound strange, but that is achievable if you have good people who are supporting you to really understand every aspect of your life, your emotions, the psychological aspects of the breakdown of the relationship, and the coaching support that you need.
Perhaps it's to do with finances, so support from a good independent financial adviser (IFA) may be needed.
But having the right team will ensure that misconceptions don't override the facts in a case and don't lead to an outcome that is not right for the individual.
Does menopause make a difference to the legal grounds for divorce?
In England and Wales, there is no need to prove that a certain event has caused a marriage to break down. Under no-fault divorce, one or both spouses can apply for a divorce on the basis that their marriage has irretrievably broken down. Disagreement about the reasons for separation does not usually prevent the divorce from proceeding.
Similarly, one particular event or factor does not automatically determine how finances are divided or arrangements for children are made. Where menopausal symptoms or another health issue have a practical bearing on income, earning capacity, financial needs or someone's ability to participate in proceedings, the relevant circumstances can be considered. The focus remains on evidence and the legal issues, rather than assumptions about a person's sex, age or health.
How can menopause symptoms affect the way family lawyers manage divorce?
A divorce often involves several separate decisions: how to organise arrangements for children, what will happen to the family home, how pensions and savings should be addressed, and whether financial support is needed. These decisions can be demanding even without the additional effects of poor sleep, anxiety or other menopausal symptoms.
A client may understand their choices perfectly well but find it harder to absorb extensive financial information after a sleepless night, concentrate through a long meeting or respond to an urgent proposal. Good legal advice involves identifying what helps that person participate fully and make informed decisions.
Depending on their circumstances and the requirements of the case, a family lawyer may be able to:
- Arrange meetings for a time of day when the client feels better able to concentrate.
- Break complex discussions into shorter appointments or provide a clear written summary afterwards.
- Give the client a realistic opportunity to consider proposals before responding, rather than pressing for an immediate decision.
- Explain the key financial and legal consequences of different options in a way the client can revisit.
- Plan around important court dates and deadlines while identifying where more time can reasonably be requested.
These adjustments are not exclusive to menopausal women. Family lawyers may also adapt communication for clients with disabilities, neurodivergence, health difficulties or other individual needs. The purpose is the same: to make sure the process works for the person taking part in it.
Video: How a lawyer can adapt communication and pace
Full video transcript - Elspeth Kinder
For any client, we'll always be thinking about the best way to communicate with them, and there can be all sorts of different factors at play.
We have clients who perhaps have neurodivergence. We have clients who may be hard of hearing or partially sighted, and there may be clients who are experiencing menopausal symptoms.
For all those clients, thinking about how we best communicate with them is one of many factors that we will look to understand and ensure we're dealing with things in the best way from the outset of a case.
For somebody who is going through the menopause, I would urge that, if they feel they have a good relationship with their divorce lawyer, which is essential in the process, they do make them aware if they're having a difficult time with things and they're struggling.
Perhaps they've had a bad night's sleep and they're being asked to make a very important decision that they just haven't got the headspace to cope with on that particular day.
There's often an opportunity within divorce for us to slow the pace down, to give our clients some breathing space to be able to think about the very big decisions that they need to make, and to be able to do that from a very informed stance, where the pressure and stress that menopause can bring are not working to their detriment in the divorce process.
What should you tell your divorce solicitor if menopause is affecting you?
You do not need to disclose every detail of your medical history. However, it can help to explain if symptoms are affecting your sleep, concentration, working hours or ability to manage meetings and decisions. You can also say which practical adjustments would be useful.
If your health is affecting your finances, provide relevant information about any change in employment, income or career plans. A solicitor can advise on whether evidence about your present circumstances or future earning capacity is relevant to the financial settlement. The aim is to make the right arrangements and present an accurate picture, not to suggest that experiencing menopause undermines your judgement.
What should family lawyers understand about menopause and divorce?
An effective family lawyer needs to understand more than the legal steps in a case. Family relationships, personal health, money, work and caring responsibilities can all influence which outcomes are practical and sustainable for a client. Menopause may be relevant to any of these areas, but its importance cannot be decided in advance.
Video: Why listening to each individual matters
Full video transcript - Elspeth Kinder
I think that family lawyers should be interested in all aspects of their clients' lives. And so there may be times where they are acting for a client who's going through the menopause, and they perhaps need to educate themselves better about what that really means for a client.
There will, of course, be very many family lawyers out there who are experiencing menopause themselves or who are close to somebody who is going through menopause.
But often there are members of the profession who simply haven't been touched by that aspect within their own life.
And so taking a little bit of time to speak with other colleagues, to speak with their client and really listen to that individual's experience is very important.
Menopause is a moment in time for a client that will be very unique to them. Their experience of symptoms of menopause may look very different from that of their sister, their mum or their best friend.
And so for a family lawyer to really speak with their client and understand that particular client's circumstances is essential, so that the lawyer can then do their very best to act for their client and make accommodations where necessary.
A lawyer should also recognise the limits of their expertise. They do not need to diagnose menopause or recommend medical treatment. They do need to take a client's account seriously, understand whether symptoms have practical implications, and know when support from another professional would help.
Crucially, this applies when representing either spouse. The needs of the individual experiencing menopause should be recognised, while the other party must also receive clear advice about their own rights, responsibilities and options. The goal is fair, well-informed decision-making, not assigning blame for changes in the marriage.
Good family law advice starts with questions rather than assumptions. How is the client managing the process? What information is important to their decision? Are there other pressures - including children, ageing parents or work - that need to be taken into account? The answers help a solicitor provide appropriate support while keeping the client's instructions and priorities at the centre of the case.
What other support can help during divorce and menopause?
Legal advice is one part of the picture. If symptoms are affecting a person's health, relationships or work, a GP or another appropriate healthcare professional can discuss available treatments.
Therapy or counselling may help someone deal with the emotional impact of separation, while relationship counselling may be useful for couples who are still deciding whether to remain together. Coaching can also offer practical support with personal or professional changes. Neither partner should feel that accepting help requires them to change their decision about the marriage.
Financial advice is equally important when separation involves pensions, investments, business interests or future retirement income. A family lawyer may work alongside an independent financial adviser or other specialist so that a client understands both their legal position and the longer-term consequences of a proposed settlement.
For further detail on financial planning, read JMW's articles on divorce in your 50s and protecting your financial future during menopause and divorce. Our financial settlement solicitors can advise on assets, pensions and ongoing financial arrangements.
How JMW can help
Every client brings different circumstances to a divorce. Whether menopause is affecting your health, your work or simply forming part of a much wider period of change, we will listen to your priorities, explain the available options and consider what support or adjustments will help you make informed decisions.
Our divorce solicitors advise on financial settlements, arrangements for children and complex matters involving businesses, trusts, pensions and international assets. To discuss your position with our family law team, call 0345 872 6666 or contact us through the website.
