When I first meet with a new client seeking advice about divorce, there are some common themes for early discussion, and they are not perhaps what you might expect from a divorce lawyer. Whether divorce is something you’ve been contemplating for years or is a decision that you feel has been forced on you out of the blue, it will have a significant and lasting impact on your life. Whilst some clients may give the impression of coping with this better than others, the reality is that divorce can at times be painful, traumatic, stressful and frightening. In my experience as a family lawyer, those clients who take on board my advice about how to look after themselves throughout the process tend to come to a place of acceptance sooner.

Here are my tips for how to take care of yourself during your divorce:

Therapy and Counselling

Separation and divorce are a rollercoaster: there are days when you may feel elated, liberated, looking to your future; and days when you will feel lost, lonely and scared. Be prepared for this by seeking out recommendations for good therapists who can help support you through the process. Those clients who act on this advice often spend less money in legal fees because they know who to speak with about the emotional impact of their separation, and who to seek legal advice from.

Support Network

Surround yourself with the right support network. If you have a tendency to overshare, be mindful about which of your family members or friends has the capacity to listen to you calmly and provide you with a rational opinion rather than searching for anybody amongst your friends who will tell you what you want to hear. If, however, you are more prone to becoming insular when faced with problems, make a commitment to yourself to confide in at least one person who will serve to remind you that you don’t have to face things alone. Your chosen sources of support will prove to be critically important over the coming weeks and months. I have had countless conversations over the years with clients who have relied on opinions and well-meaning advice from people not best placed to give it, only to find that (even if temporarily) they have made things worse for themselves.

Time for You

Try and make time every week to do something that you enjoy, and which will give you a release from the stress that divorce can bring. If the gym is your thing, find a way to prioritise it. If the thought of coffee and cake with your best friend is what will get you through the week, then pencil in a regular date. Protecting your physical and emotional wellbeing is essential at this time because otherwise you risk turning to other coping mechanisms, such as alcohol, which are likely to make you feel so much worse. There are going to be weeks where it feels like the demands of the divorce process are simply too much, so being prepared for this by planning how you will protect yourself is critically important.

Communication Style

Think about how you best communicate. You are going to be asked to express your needs, your objectives, and your expectations, and to do this under a situation of high pressure and conflict. Are you able to do that quickly without needing much time to think? Or are you more of a reflective person who requires time and space to process your thoughts. Try and find the confidence to communicate in the best way for you – whether to your ex, your family and friends, or your solicitor - to avoid otherwise potentially making rash decisions or speaking without thinking, which you may later come to regret.

Choosing the right family lawyer

Think carefully about choosing the right family law solicitors to advise you. It will prove to be important to work with divorce solicitors who you feel comfortable with, who speak to you in a way that you can understand, and who listen properly to your concerns and the things that matter to you. As Head of Family Law, I have deliberately appointed Partners and assistants in my team with a breadth of personalities and experience to ensure that the person leading your case will be best able to advise you about what we can achieve for you and help you work towards that outcome.

Finding your way through divorce is not an easy process, but with the right support it can be an opportunity for you to take back control with a newfound resilience and strength.

If you have any questions on divorce, financial orders or child arrangements please reach out to me or a member of my team.