Pre-nuptial agreements are becoming increasingly common in the UK, yet for many couples the idea of discussing finances before marriage can still feel sensitive or uncomfortable. Amélie Viljoen, Solicitor in JMW’s family team, recognises that these conversations do not need to be confrontational if handled in the right way. Instead, they can be a constructive opportunity for couples to speak openly, plan carefully and enter their marriage with clarity and confidence. Below, we set out Amélie’s practical tips for keeping discussions about a pre-nuptial agreement amicable and positive:

1. Remember what a prenup actually is.

It’s easy to feel like a prenup is a bad omen for the marriage or a sign of distrust. In fact, a good prenup is the opposite. It’s an agreement that couples enter into with full transparency, expert legal advice, and with the purpose of creating certainty should a separation ever occur. The alternative could be a lengthier, more expensive and potentially more emotionally fraught negotiation at the time of separation. You and your future spouse are not at odds with each other when negotiating a prenup; you’re working together towards a joint agreement which should be for both of your benefit.

2. It’s all about communication.

Getting a prenup involves a couple providing each other with a full picture of their financial positions, as well as letting them know their priorities and concerns if a separation were to happen. Maybe it’s important to you to hold on to your parents’ old house that was gifted to you before the wedding. Maybe your fiancée has the benefit of a Trust you have no interest in touching, but you want to make sure any children you have in the future are well looked after. Fundamentally, getting a prenup means honestly communicating these things to your partner and allowing this to steer the drafting of the agreement. This open communication allows both parties to understand each other’s position even in negotiations.

3. Think of it as collaboration.

The stereotype most people have of divorce is that of a drawn-out, gruelling process where former spouses have to fight tooth and nail over couches and family dogs. Whilst this is not always the case, it is true that negotiations following a traditional divorce can be oppositional in nature. By contrast, the process of negotiating a prenup before marriage is one where the goal is for both parties’ positions to be protected upon any separation. Unlike in a traditional divorce scenario, you can discuss your prenup with your fiancé/e to make sure you’re both comfortable with why you’re getting a prenup and what you want out of it. You and your fiancé/e are in essence collaborating on the preparation of your prenup, and you can make the big decisions together.

And, last but certainly not least:

4. Get proper legal advice.

This is a basic requirement for parties to enter into a prenup likely to be upheld by a court in the future, but it’s also key to conducting any negotiations in an amicable way. Getting solicitors involved adds some professional distance and makes it easier to remember you and your fiancé/e aren’t “fighting it out” between yourselves. It also gives you both the reassurance of knowing you will each have your wants and needs championed throughout the process and be advised on exactly what is being agreed, rather than risking one of you feeling like they’ve been strongarmed or blindsided by the terms of the prenup. Having solicitors who can listen to you and advise you ensures that the agreement you sign is one that reflects what you both want.

Approached in the right way, a pre-nuptial agreement can be a positive and reassuring experience. Hopefully, it is a document that will simply sit in a drawer for the entirety of your marriage and never need to be relied upon. However, if divorce does become a reality, having a carefully prepared agreement in place can help protect your interests, provide clarity at an already difficult time and make the process of resolving financial matters more straightforward.