Many of us have witnessed or experienced first-hand the pain of family breakdown. Parents separating often find themselves in disputes over where children live and how much time is spent with each parent. Mediation, arbitration and, in some cases, court applications are familiar routes to resolve these issues.

But what about those who are not the legal parents, yet still play an important role in a child’s life? Step-parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings. All too often, these relationships are overlooked in law and in practice.

For step-parents (married or unmarried) , the end of a relationship with a child’s legal parent can mean the sudden loss of a bond that has developed over years. The grief can be devastating, not just for the adult but also for the child, who may lose a stable and nurturing figure.

Grandparents and extended family members can feel a similar loss. When relationships between parents break down, children may suddenly lose touch with relatives who have been central to their sense of family identity. These decisions are not always malicious, but they can have unintended, traumatic consequences for children.

The family legal system now offers a range of alternatives to lengthy court proceedings. Mediation, for example, is not just for parents; any person with a meaningful role in a child’s life can propose it. Another option is an Early Neutral Evaluation, where a judge is privately instructed to give guidance on the likely outcome of a dispute.

Such approaches are often less adversarial, less costly, and crucially better for the child. Where safe, resolving disputes through dialogue rather than litigation helps reduce emotional conflict.

Sometimes, however, court intervention is unavoidable. Under sections 8–10 of the Children Act 1989, the following people have a  right to apply for a Child Arrangements Order:

1. Any parent
2. Any person with parental responsibility
3. Anyone named in an existing Child Arrangements Order
4. A spouse or civil partner where the child is treated as “a child of the family”
5. Any person with whom the child has lived for three years or more
6. A local authority
7. A relative with whom the child has lived for more than one year
8. A child themselves, with the court’s permission, if they are of sufficient understanding

If you do not fall into one of these categories, you must first seek permission from the court to make an application.

When considering whether to grant permission, the court looks at:

1. The nature of the proposed application
2. The applicant’s connection with the child
3. The risk of disrupting the child’s life
4. The wishes and feelings of the child’s parents.

In practice, grandparents and other relatives are often granted permission where a clear, beneficial relationship with the child exists.

Once permission is granted, applicants can ask the court for time-spending arrangements such as visits, calls, video contact, or in rare cases a “live with” order.

Importantly, courts are guided by the child’s welfare above all else. Unlike disputes between parents (where there is a presumption of benefit in maintaining relationships with both), there is no automatic assumption that time with extended family is in the child’s best interests. Instead, courts weigh the strength of the existing bond, the role that person plays in the child’s identity and wellbeing, and the potential risks of conflict.

Case law shows the courts’ careful balancing act:

• In W (A Minor) (Contact) [1994] – Grandparents’ contact was recognised as vital in maintaining the children’s connection to their paternal family, especially when direct contact with the father was not possible.
• Re A [1995] – A grandmother’s application was refused because of high conflict with the resident parent; the court prioritised protecting the child from hostility.
• Re W [1997] and Re B [2012] – Courts emphasised that even when direct contact was not suitable at the time, indirect contact (letters, cards, calls) should keep the “door ajar” for future relationships.

These cases highlight two things: the value courts place on extended family ties, and the importance of relatives maintaining a neutral, child-focused stance rather than being drawn into parental disputes.

Today’s courts are increasingly pragmatic in recognising the diverse nature of modern families. Recently in A & B (Declaration of Non-Parentage) [2025], a woman conceived twins with through overseas fertility treatment.  The intended father was not named on the birth certificate and there parties were not married at the time of conception. Although the court declared him not to be a legal parent, it nevertheless made a Child Arrangements Order in recognition of his vital role in the children’s lives.

This reflects a broader commitment to protecting meaningful relationships, even where legal or biological parenthood is absent.

Seeking Early Advice

The key message is this: if you are a grandparent, step-parent, sibling, or other relative worried that your relationship with a child could be lost, seek advice early. Understanding the legal options and choosing a constructive, child-centred approach can make all the difference.