This week is “Good Divorce Week”, an annual campaign organised by Resolution, aimed at promoting a non-confrontational approach to divorce. The campaign provides resources to help families achieve a “good divorce” with an emphasis on co-operation and understanding. Prompted by Good Divorce Week, I asked my colleagues how they would describe a “good” divorce and whether such a thing was possible.

What is a Good Divorce?

Openness

A good divorce will look different for everyone, but it’s fair to say that most people are seeking financial security. The first step in achieving financial autonomy is to understand how a financial settlement is reached and the factors that will be taken into consideration. You can then build on that understanding with the right legal advice and support. It’s crucial for both parties to be open during the financial settlement process; a lack of honesty breeds suspicion, which leads to anger and contempt.  Being open gives you both a chance to be heard, to properly understand the position, and to get to the stage of being able to move on.

“Where both parties are able to secure their financial autonomy and feel they have had a voice in the process.” Michael Chapman, Head of Family

Compromise

Divorce and custody arrangements are regularly dramatised and even glamourised in the media. We are continually fed a narrative of couples at war, fighting for custody of their children and battling over their assets. Against this backdrop, it’s understandable why couples step into divorce feeling combative and as though they must protect what is theirs. The truth, there are no winners in a family court process, and couples should be supported to approach issues with as much compromise and calmness as possible. This could be through divorce coaching, therapy, solicitors, or non-court dispute resolution.

“Amicable communication, limited hostility and COMPROMISE.” Abbie Tottle, Trainee Solicitor

“I would say that a ‘good divorce’ is where two people can openly communicate about what they agree and disagree on in a way that is constructive and with respect for the relationship and marriage that came before. No two people will agree on everything (even during a happy marriage), however, if divorcing spouses can communicate in a respectful and open way, focusing on resolving the issues and seeking out areas of compromise, then it is likely that they will be able to resolve disagreements more quickly and with less cost.” Jenny Arnold, Partner

Future Focused

Divorce can be all-consuming, and it can be draining to deal with the demands of divorce when balancing a career, childcare, and other commitments. Periods of stress can feel never-ending. It’s a cliché, but nothing is permanent. Focusing on well-being and long-term happiness can provide some resilience to get through the tougher days of divorce.   

"A ‘good divorce’ to me does not focus on the end of a marriage but on the beginning of two healthier, happier lives. I believe that a divorce done well is one that prioritises dignity, mutual respect, and the long-term well-being of everyone involved. Having the right legal advice and support can turn a difficult transition into an opportunity for growth and should enable clients to feel confident and empowered to build the life that they choose in their next chapter,” Grace Matthews, Senior Associate

“I think a good divorce is one where both parties are respectful towards one another and try to be as cooperative as possible throughout the process. I also think it is helpful if both parties can remember the bigger picture and be reasonable when they encounter disagreements. This isn’t always easy, especially when emotions are running high, but it makes the experience considerably less draining,”  Lara Jobling, Apprentice Solicitor

Child-centred

Whilst divorce may be the end of your marriage, if you have children, it’s very unlikely to be the last thing you do together, and you may be in each other’s lives for some time. Working together with your former spouse to redefine the family dynamic and support your children through divorce requires patience and respect. There are some great online resources that can help you navigate co-parenting. From a legal perspective, the divorce and the arrangements for the children are separate concepts, and the court process doesn’t encourage the two issues to be conflated. However, in reality, your children will likely be at the heart of nearly all decisions you make, and remaining child-focused can be key to unlocking some of the more difficult areas of divorce.

“Both spouses making difficult decisions in a pragmatic and amicable manner, ensuring all decisions are child-focused and any communication is respectful,” Lauren Deeley Risk, Trainee Solicitor

You may conclude that there is no such thing as a “good” divorce, but I don’t believe anyone goes into the process with the intention of making it “bad”. Good is a strong adjective, but there are, without a doubt, ways to have a “better” divorce, a “simpler” divorce, and a divorce that enables you both to move forward with positivity and perspective.