What are narcissistic behaviours in a relationship?

The term “narcissist” is often used in everyday conversation, but in the context of a relationship breakdown it can describe a pattern of behaviour that feels controlling, confusing and emotionally draining. For anyone going through a separation or divorce, understanding those behaviours can be an important first step in knowing how to respond and when to seek advice.

What is a narcissist?

A person with narcissistic traits may show a lack of empathy, a strong sense of entitlement and a tendency to prioritise their own needs above those of others. In a relationship, this can mean that one partner’s feelings are minimised, dismissed or used against them. It is important to recognise that many people can display narcissistic traits from time to time. At the more serious end of the spectrum, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a recognised mental health condition that can only be diagnosed by an appropriately qualified professional.

How narcissistic behaviours can appear in relationships

Narcissistic behaviours can appear in different ways. At the start of a relationship, a person may be extremely charming, attentive and complimentary. This is sometimes described as “love bombing”, where affection and intensity are used to create a strong emotional attachment quickly. Over time, that behaviour may change, leaving the other person feeling as though they are constantly trying to regain the relationship they thought they had.

One common feature is controlling or coercive behaviour. This may include restricting a partner’s independence, isolating them from friends and family, monitoring their movements or dictating aspects of their daily life. Financial control can also form part of this pattern, for example by restricting access to bank accounts, insisting on managing household finances or preventing a partner from becoming financially independent.

Another behaviour often described in these relationships is gaslighting. This is where someone manipulates another person into questioning their memory, judgement or perception of events. They may deny things that happened, rewrite conversations or suggest that their partner is being overly sensitive, irrational or unreasonable.

Blame-shifting can also be a recurring issue. Rather than taking responsibility for their own actions, a person may repeatedly place fault on their partner, regardless of what has actually happened. Over time, this can make it harder for the other person to trust their own judgement or feel confident raising concerns.

Narcissistic behaviours during divorce

The difficulties associated with narcissistic behaviours do not always end when a relationship breaks down. In divorce or financial remedy proceedings, a person displaying these behaviours may be unwilling to compromise, seek to maintain control or prolong disputes unnecessarily. This can increase stress, legal costs and uncertainty, particularly where discussions involve finances, property or arrangements for children. Having a legal team that understands high-conflict dynamics can make a significant difference, helping to keep the process focused, structured and proportionate.

How JMW can help

If you are concerned that narcissistic behaviours are affecting your relationship, separation, divorce or child arrangements, early legal advice can be invaluable. The Family Law team at JMW can provide clear, practical and tailored advice to help you understand your options, protect your position and move forward with confidence. Depending on the circumstances, this may include advice about protective measures, such as non-molestation orders, as well as support with divorce, financial arrangements and child arrangements.